Relational Couples Therapy — Dr. Patrick Whalen, Ph.D.

Who I Work With

The couples I see still want this to work.

You've had the same fight many times. You know exactly how it starts and exactly how it ends, and you can't stop it. You love each other. Something has gone wrong between you. That's what we fix.

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Stuck in the Same Cycle

You argue about different things but it always feels like the same fight. The issue isn't the dishes or the money — it's something neither of you has been able to name.

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Growing Apart

You've become excellent roommates — good parents, functional partners — but the closeness you once had feels distant. You're not sure when that happened.

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After a Breach of Trust

An affair, a serious lie, a betrayal that changed everything. Some couples in this exact place go on to build something better than what came before.

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Before You Marry

Premarital counseling for couples who want to understand each other deeply before the vows — and learn the skills that keep marriages alive.

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One of You Isn't Sure

Discernment counseling for couples where one partner is ambivalent. Before any decision about the future, you need to understand the present clearly.

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Good and Ready for Better

Your relationship works, but you want more depth, more honesty, more real intimacy. Therapy isn't just for crisis — it's for couples ready to do the real work.

San Leandro, CA

About Dr. Patrick Whalen

"I spent five years at UC Berkeley watching couples — frame by frame, second by second. I know what breaks relationships. I built a museum exhibit about it. Now I help people change those patterns."

I'm a licensed psychologist with a Ph.D. from UC Berkeley and RLT certification from the Relational Life Institute. Before I became a therapist, I spent years in a clinical research lab studying what happens in the bodies and faces of couples when they fight — coding interactions using the same tools developed by Paul Ekman and John Gottman. That research became a permanent exhibit at the San Francisco Exploratorium.

I've also worked a suicide crisis hotline for over a decade and completed my clinical training at the Northern CA VA and Stanford Psychiatry. I bring all of that — the research, the clinical depth, and the direct, accountable voice of RLT — to every session.

Full Bio →

Introductory Video

A brief introduction

Before reaching out, many couples want a sense of the person they'll be working with. This short video offers just that — a feel for how I work and what it might be like to sit across from me.

Watch on Psychology Today →

The Process

What to expect when you start

I expect both partners to feel genuinely understood within the first two sessions, to have a clear picture of the relational dynamic at play, and to leave with a sense of real direction.

01

Free 30-Minute Consultation

We talk by phone. You describe what's going on; I ask a few questions. We determine whether working together makes sense. No pressure, no charge. This step matters — good fit is part of good therapy.

02

The First Session

We meet together — you, your partner, and me. In-office in San Leandro, via video at one shared location, or each of you from separate screens. I make two agreements with couples from the start: you can always answer any question with 'pass,' and confidentiality is between the three of us — with the option for each partner to contact me privately.

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Active Therapy

We work. RLT moves quickly: the core relational dynamic and its roots typically become clear within two to three sessions, and most couples feel meaningful movement within three to six. Structured, direct, honest — and always grounded in genuine warmth.

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Ongoing Work — On Your Terms

Once the dynamic is well understood, couples choose their path: weekly support, periodic check-ins, or stepping back when they have the skills they need. Duration ranges from eight sessions to multiple years. Couples are always welcome to reengage.

Services